Traveling involves meeting a lot of people. co-travellers, locals, everyone being on the road for whatever reason. You get into conversations, you share stories and experiences, you connect. That is such a beautiful thing and the one that makes my world going, spinning. That is one of the things that makes me happy.
Connecting means your paths cross. For how long that crossing will occur, we never know. But today, in the era of social media and technology it is easier to maintain connected.
It turns out that people I have met are coming back to me with questions, how to deal with life, how to handle relationships. They ask me for guidance.
A while ago I met a woman, we talked, we shared, we connected. Yesterday she called me and she asked me for a piece of advice in a relationship matter. I listened to her and gave her my opinion. She summed it up with one-two words:
Like most people, who are not restricted by their governments, I am on social media. Especially on Facebook. Every morning I check Facebook for news and interesting articles. As you all know there is a change in the making at the moment. Women are rising thanks to the #metoo movement. But even before that there were coaches and self help groups. For every one in need of it but especially for women. One thing these groups and coaches emphasis is the phrase
But how do you do that, what does that mean. Do I look myself in the mirror and say I love you, I love me? Do I really love myself just because I say it? And why do I love myself?
Why do i love myself?
How do I show myself the self love?
This morning I was sitting on my bed reading Facebook posts, realising that loving oneself is no different from showing anyone else love. The problem is that we seem to mix things up.
What is socially acceptable, what will people think of us, we don’t want to cause problem, cultural unwritten rules, values based on gender and lots of other things. These are some of the thoughts that make us behave completely the opposite of what we want and what is good for us.
Lately I have had people contacting me, asking me for advice when it comes to relationships in general.
I’m thinking of a woman who has been involved with a man but clearly it’s not working, the relationship has become more of a power play than showing love. She is now showing tendencies of being afraid of what he might do to her so she is constantly backing off, excusing her behaviour with ‘I don’t want to create a problem’.
But he is creating a problem for you and you are ok with that?
I’m thinking of a woman who has been seeing a man for a while. Dating light. She is really interested in him. He is good looking, when they met up he is listening to what she has to say, he seems interested in her, he wants to take it slow. She likes all that. But then there is that gut feeling of hers, poking her on the side. He can not make any promesses right now and meeting up is always on his terms. So I tell her, be honest with him, tell him what you want and need. Don’t wait for him to guess what you need. Be honest and express it.
I’m thinking of a woman who met this man whom she got interested in. They talk, or at least he talks. About himself. Most of the time it is about him. Once and again he stops with the words ‘oh, but how about you?’, she starts saying something but he interrupts, telling her about his experience in the matter. But she never tells him that he is interrupting her, she never makes an attempt to leave even though she is bored stiff by his monologue and lack of interest of her.
I am thinking that there will never be any words that will make me feel loved if the words are not supported by action. I would even skip the words in favour for the action. That goes for how others treat me and that goes for how I treat myself.
So how do I show myself that I love me?
Showing myself self respect in action. That requires honest answers to honest questions.
If someone is creating a problem in your life, be honest with yourself about it by being honest with that person. Telling him or her that this doesn’t work for you. These are your boundaries. Be honest about it instead of playing a game thinking the person will understand your taunt or insinuation.
If a person doesn’t show interest in you, leave. Don’t ask for that person to see you if he or she is blind. Tell him or her why you are leaving and letting them go, be honest about your intentions and your boundaries and leave. Don’t play games.
If a person is so occupied with themselves that they have no time for you, then they are not interested in you. Be honest and let them know about your boundries and why you are leaving.
Respecting yourself in action is how you show yourself love. It is a consious choice
Caring for yourself is as important as caring about the people around you. Being honest with yourself, knowing your boundaries and not being afraid of letting people knowing of them. That is self love and self respect. And that makes it so much easier to love and respect others.